Happy Reformation Day

October 31, 2005

Forget Hallowe’en.

On this day in 1517, Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the door of the church in Wittenberg to stimulate discussion and debate. Someone copied them and took them to a printing press, and the rest is history.

488 years later, no one has managed to put out the wildfire that Luther’s little spark touched off.

Soli Deo Gloria.


Ah, crap

October 31, 2005
The Prioress

You scored 13% Cardinal, 56% Monk, 52% Lady, and 45% Knight!

You are a moral person and are also highly intellectual. You like your
solitude but are also kind and helpful to those around you. Guided by a
belief in the goodness of mankind you will likely be christened a saint
after your life is over.

You scored high as both the Lady and the Monk. You can try again to
get a more precise description of either the Monk or the lady, or you
can be happy that you’re an individual.

[Etc., etc., etc.]

Link: The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test written by KnightlyKnave on Ok Cupid, yada yada yada.

I don’t know what’s worse, being a ScientologistTM or the Mother Superior.

I’m sorry, I just can’t help myself . . .

October 29, 2005

"Captain...the gaydar is off the scale!"

No, no, no, please no

October 29, 2005
You fit in with:


Your ideals mostly resemble those of the Scientology faith. You strive to find the truth in all matters, but you also have a lot of faith in people and things. You are very logical, smart and charismatic and you value the truth above all else.

20% scientific.

40% faith-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

This is just . . . wrong . . . on so many levels.

Well, at least I’m in good company: David Heddle and Rebecca also score as honorary Ron-bots.

There’s at least two fatal flaws with this quiz, anyway: One, it assumes “faith” and “reason” are antitheses. Two, it assumes “science” and “spirituality” are antitheses.

Pop quiz!

October 27, 2005

Courtesy of MCF’s Nexus of Improbability:

1) They’re finally making the movie of your life and, after narrowing the role of YOU down to three actors, they’ve asked for your choice. Who are the three actors, and which person do you ultimately choose?

Well, Sean Connery is now retired, and Tom Cruise is too pretty. However, Michael Rosenbaum still resembles me, somewhat.

2) You’re at a fancy restaurant with your significant other, when your arch nemesis shows up with his gang to rob the place. You left your costume home tonight, and you wouldn’t want to reveal your true identity unless there was no other choice. How do you handle this one?

Easy. While pretending to cower under the table, I secretly explode their guns with my heat vision. At this point the other patrons, jaded by 9/11, will go Todd Beamer on the gang’s sorry unarmed selves.

3) 4 +X/8=15Y-23Z; solve for each variable.

Solving equations in which x = 120y – 184z – 32 are against my religion. Even if I did have the other two equations a solvable system requires.

4) They’re turning my blog into a sitcom! Quick, who’s playing me?

Scott Baio.

5) What was the scariest moment of your life?

The time I was driving home one night and thought an oncoming 18-wheeler was in my lane. (It was an optical illusion due to a gentle curve in the road.)

6) After much thought and deliberation, you realize the best thing you can do with your life is form your own team of superheroes. Keeping in mind that you don’t actually possess any powers or a dual identity in this scenario, how do you go about selecting your team,

Either by taking out a classified ad in the Fortean Times, or recruiting James Randi Challenge rejects.

what abilities do you look for in potential allies,

Obviously a wide variety of non-overlapping abilities and special powers are a must in order to be able to tackle the greatest number of challenges, but primarily I’d be looking to maximize our killing power.

and what do you call your group?

The Stark Blunt Instrument of Justice.

7) If a hypothetical train is traveling East at 70 MPH, and a hypothetical truck is traveling North at 55 MPH, then name 3 famous people you feel shouldn’t be famous.

Paris Hilton, Cindy Sheehan, and Frederic Nietzsche.

8) A freak accident caused by lightning or radiation or genetic engineering or whichever origin suits you, bestows upon you the ability to step INSIDE your television set and interact with the characters. Where do you go first, and why?

Obviously, since I have been freakishly endowed with superpowers, my only recourse is to be the oblique cross-reference of the week in Smallville. Runner-up: haranguing Jean-Luc Picard until I am humiliated by his clear moral superiority.

9) After winning a karaoke contest, you’re awarded the grand prize from a local radio station: you get to perform ONE song alongside your favorite group! Who do you sing with and what song?

I join Dire Straits and sing the “I want my MTV” bit on “Money for Nothing.”

10) A blogger you read regularly posts a pop quiz. Do you take it? Please list your reasons either way.

I don’t believe I read your blog regularly. Does that count as yes or no?

11) The quiz goes all the way up to 11.

Yes, it does.

And now . . . this – Oct. 27/05

October 27, 2005

Who will speak for the poor, defenseless fish?

The city of Rome has banned goldfish bowls, which animal rights activists say are cruel, and has made regular dog-walks mandatory in the Italian capital, the town’s council said on Tuesday.

The classic spherical fish bowls are banned under a new by-law which also stops fish or other animals being given away as fairground prizes. It comes after a national law was passed to allow jail sentences for people who abandon cats or dogs. . . .

The newspaper reported that round bowls caused fish to go blind. No one at Rome council was available to confirm this was why they were banned. Many fish experts say round bowls provide insufficient oxygen for fish.

[Full Story]

OK, I can believe that it’s possible to tell if a goldfish has gone blind. But how can “animal rights activists” tell whether little Swishy likes or hates being in a round bowl vs. a square aquarium? Does no one in the media stop to ask these questions?

You bringee better ad, chop-chop!

An Oregon high school newspaper has refused advertising from a local restaurant run by a Korean man, because he stereotyped himself:

When John Lee designed the logo for his Cedar Mill restaurant, he opted for an illustrated cartoon he thought resembled himself: a Korean man.

But that logo, which depicts an Asian man waving an “OK” sign, is now at the center of a conflict between Lee and Sunset High School’s student-run newspaper.

Last week, editors of “The Scroll” banned Lee’s advertisement for the Hawaiian Grill after running it once, saying his logo stereotypes Asians and negatively portrays members of a minority group. . . .

“I think they’re wrong,” Lee said. “I’m Asian American, so why would I want to make fun of Asians? Why are we pushing the racial issue to the farthest extent?”

[Full Story]

There is practically nothing more sanctimonious than a bunch of white liberals feeling offended on someone else’s behalf. Except, perhaps, for those self-righteous folks who give donations “in your name” to Greenpeace. (“Thanks! I made one in your name to Operation Rescue.”)

Woe to those who call good evil and evil good

October 26, 2005

At the best of times, Mark Morford’s San Francisco Chronicle column is blistering, sarcastic, Bush Derangement Syndrome-suffering moonbattery. But in one of his most recent, “God Does Not Want 16 Kids,” he crosses the line into pure, raw, seething hatred.

The column is a bitter, acidic, insulting, personal attack on the family of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar of Arkansas. Mrs. Duggar delivered their 16th child about two weeks ago. This didn’t sit well with Morford:

It’s wrong to be this judgmental. Wrong to suggest that it is exactly this kind of weird pathological protofamily breeding-happy gluttony that’s making the world groan and cry and recoil, contributing to vicious overpopulation rates and unrepentant economic strain and a bitter moral warpage resulting from a massive viral outbreak of homophobic neo-Christians across our troubled and Bush-ravaged land. Or is it? . . .

Perhaps the point is this: Why does this sort of bizarre hyperbreeding only seem to afflict antiseptic megareligious families from the Midwest? In other words — assuming Michelle and Jim Bob and their massive brood of cookie-cutter Christian kidbots will all be, as the charming photo suggests, never allowed near a decent pair of designer jeans or a tolerable haircut from a recent decade, and assuming that they will all be tragically encoded with the values of the homophobic asexual Christian right — where are the forces that shall help neutralize their effect on the culture? Where is the counterbalance, to offset the damage?

Where is, in other words, the funky tattooed intellectual poetess who, along with her genius anarchist husband, is popping out 16 funky progressive intellectually curious fashion-forward pagan offspring to answer the Duggar’s squad of �ber-white future Wal-Mart shoppers? Where is the liberal, spiritualized, pro-sex flip side? Verily I say unto thee, it ain’t lookin’ good.

[Full Story; have barf bag handy]

It’s the last paragraph that is most revealing. Morford represents the Insane Left. Read his other columns, and you find out he’s all for gay “marriage,” porn, kinky sex, you name it. He lives in San Francisco, where some estimates are that 20% of the population is homosexual. He wishes his gay progressive anarchist liberal pagan friends would have more sex and produce more kids. It’s boring old normal heterosexual monogamous child-producing married sex he can’t stand, especially when it’s all being had by evil conservative Christians with big families.

It was La Shawn Barber who brought this column to my attention. She asks,

I wonder what this liberal would say about single, welfare-dependent women who have children they can’t afford with different men who don’t want to marry them? I get the feeling Morford wouldn’t touch it. But an intact Christian family is fair game.

Morford and the Insane Left are jealous. Their aggressive promotion of the three B’s – birth control, buggery, and ‘bortion – means they’re being out-bred by couples like the Duggars. It burns their toast that they are the party of sexual liberation, yet it’s people like Jim Bob and Michelle who are obviously, well, pretty damn liberated.

In any case, Mark Morford receives the DIM BULB du jour with an extra Oak Leaf Cluster for Cluelessness Beyond the Call of Duty.

Postscript: Welcome, La Shawn Barber’s readers. To paraphrase one of the pithier comments she’s received to her post: Whatever happened to “every child a wanted child,” anyway?